Cold hands, warm shart.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
