My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
