is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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