capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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