Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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