when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
