just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
