his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
