The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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