just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
