I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
