you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize