I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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