I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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