Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize