I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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