3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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