i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
