you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
