His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
