the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You ruined the universe
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
