there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
