those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't turn off my feet"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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