You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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