i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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