You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
