I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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