Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
