Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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