the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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