someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
