Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
