you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
