So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
