dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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