just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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