god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize