Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
