Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
These tits shall not be calmed
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
