Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
