There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
