she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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