Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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