if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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