I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
