I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize