i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
