You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
