Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
