ya dads aren't the best wingmen
where am i from again
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
