She is in my trunk
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
