bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
