I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
