apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
