my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
