I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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