does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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