i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize