and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
