he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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