i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
