I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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