I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
