WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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