Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't turn off my feet"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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