i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
