I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
