someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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