At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
