his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
