I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
