He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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