O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
