she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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