I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
