He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my being single is dangerous.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
