Redeem this text for a blowjob
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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