Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
