I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
