not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
