Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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