I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize
