a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My breasts were aching with rage.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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