Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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