Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The Olympian is in my bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
