I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
