we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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